Trends lead to lies

It’s been established that I’m one of the best procrastinators around, lately Pintrest became the easiest way to get my daily dose of procrastination.

Pintrest is cool and all, but I think people get all into ideas just becuase they think other people think it’s cool, or yummy or whatever. But it’s not.

There are a few things that just annoy me on there.

1. Oatmeal Smoothies
NO this does not taste good it doesn’t even sound remotely palatable.
These oatmeal things are all over the internet right now, I’ll admit, as gross as it sounds I couldn’t help wondering if it might be good since it’s apparently so popular.  So I made one last night, used up all my fresh strawberries in it. I almost harfed. Tastes gross, feels gross…wtf. Do peopel actually enjoy this? Or are they just hopping on the cool wagon.

2. THings to do with old t-shirts
Pinterest will have you believing you could save the world with an old t shirt, if only you knew just how to perfectly cut and fold it.

WRONG, old t-shirts are for gardening , painting, being gross, giving the dog a bath, putting in the trash, donating to Goodwill.

They are not for making new shirts, rugs, or washcloths…who really wants to wash a table with your old pit stains? Old t-shirts are not for making beach bags, it does not look good. WHne your t-shirt is too nasty to wear normally, cutting it up does not suddenly make it acceptable attire…

3. Mason jars.
Useful, versatile, but there ARE limitations…

 

Study buddy

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

 

“Researchers from Britain’s Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.”
― Stephen Colbert

out of sorts

I took an entire week off of work to get ready for finals.

It’s insane. I’m such a workaholic at heart. Ever since I went back to school it’s been rough on me. This time I’m really motivated to finish…every other time I went back to school I would get so sucked into work that I had to quit after a semester or two.  I love working, I love my job, it’s down right fantastic.  SO yeah, I cut my hours way down last August, from up to 80 a week all the way down to 30.5. Holy shit it’s hard. Of course things will tank at work, people quit and get fired and all of a sudden I’m up to 52 hours a week. Not because I have to, but because I see a blank spot on the schedule and compulsively fill my name in. Then I can’t really go back on it. So I’ve struggled, I’ve missed more classes than most and I’ve been overwhelmed, and I’ve really missed work when I manage to keep my hours at the 30.5.

It’s just hard, to already have spent 11 years in your career field, to know that experience is more important than education, to know that your degree is worthless without grad school anyway, and to know that instead of having a blast at work you’ll be sitting in classrooms filled with teenagers checking facebook and playing tetris while whispering to their sorority sisters about they’re latest hook up or the last dress they bought. Yeah, not my idea of a good time. But shit I’m going to get it done. I should be finished one year from today. It would have been at the end of this summer if I was able to give up work completely, but I just can’t do it.

So this week of no work at all, it’s killing me. I want to be there. I keep thinking of calling and working anyway, but I constantly remind myself how much I need the time to study. Or how much time I need to procrastinate before studying.

On topof feeling off without work, I’m eating premade stuff, I can’t make the time to cook and clean up until after finals. So I grabbed  a bunch of Amy’s microwave meals. It kinda just gets the ball rolling for me. Just taking in warm high sodium food makes me wany to scarf as much down as I can.  I tried to quit the cycle from starting today, making a big salad with grilled chicken, took one bite and knew it just wasn’t what I wanted. So now I have a stomach full o diet pepsi, cheesey bites pizza crust and lemon pepper wings. I don’t feel good, but I can’t seem to stop. It feels hopeless. Being so aware just makes it harder, I can step back and watch the decisions I’m making, and look at the consequences, but I didn’t have the ability to stop. I’m just helplessly standing to the side watching myself knowingly self destruct.

 

Perhaps some studying now.

How I almost missed my first final.

Oh finals.

I have a couple gripes about how my school does finals…

1. Finals on Saturday. Really?
2. Finals start at 7:30 am, 30 minutes earlier than classes during the semester.

They started today, for me they started at 7:30 am. I wish I could find the actual study to cite, but it’s out there. The performance of college age adults is significantly lower early int he morning vs the afternoon/evening. this changes with age, but with that in mind, why on earth would a school have finals earlier than they even offer classes. I’m curious to see if anyone has studied the differences in grades between people taking the same test in the early morning and the afternoon.

It’s not all that bad for me, I’m usually up so early that 7:30 am feels like the afternoon. However, pairing 7:30 am with Saturday turned out to be an issue.

I take the bus to school- $200 for a parking pass(per semester) plus gas is just silly.
I don’t live in the same town as the school, it’s a short commute, and my bus doesn’t run on the weekends. Apparently I forgot this. So I’m all prepped this morning, well rested, all studied up, decided to take the earlier bus so I could get a good seat and review my notes. I’m so on a roll I can hardly believe it. Grab my bus pass and head to the door, where it suddenly dawns on me that it’s the weekend, there is no bus to take. I whole lot of swearing and panicking ensued. But I pulled it together jumped in my car and drove, I figured I could find a place to park that early. Parking in Boulder is a nightmare. Everything is metered, so much parallel parking, which I refuse to do. I can, it just terrifies me, so I’ll avoid it at all costs. I actually have a general parking disability. I will not turn into a spot a certain way, or squeeze in anywhere. I can drive through a half empty lot looking for the right place, which is usually somewhere inconvenient.

Anyway, I get into town and find a great spot near campus. Park and go. As I’m walking I start noticing that every single car has a parking permit for the nearby apartment building. I try to convince myself that it’s ok, but I just can’t. Head back, jump in my car and drive around again. Found another spot, then I notice the two hour limit sign. Fuuuck. At this point I give up, I head to a metered lot on the other side of campus, probably a mile or so away from where I want to be. I figure I’ll just walk. Once I’m parked I realize the meter won’t let me pay. It’s too early. dkl;dhf;lshfsl;kh . I can’t afford a $70 fine! So I wrote a note, left it on my dashboard and headed across campus. Silently freaking out. It isnt until I get to where I need to be that it suddenly dawns on me. It’s Saturday, parking rules don’t apply, I could have parked right in front of the building…..

Oh well.

On the bright side, I’m pretty sure I got an A on the final:)

There is so much studying left to do. my next final is 7:30 pm tonight…

 

UPDATE: Yup, 96.25% before the curve.

Let your life be a counte…

Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine.

Thoreau, Henry David

 

Procrastination vs Murder

And so the cycle goes…

I’ve been away from typing for nearly a month. Changes are in the air. Great changes

I’m not sure what to even write, how to summarize the last month.  I guess the good old rambling stream would be best. So here we go, tangents and all.

Following my usually tendencies, I’m writing this to get my typey fingers moving so I can finally finish a political science paper, yeah that paper that I choked on last semester, causing me to retake the class, the paper I had half written and fully outlined back in November…well it was due for the second time today, at 1 pm, it’s 11:37, and guess what, it’s not done. GO me! But such is life, it’ll be finished tonight, 1 point off isn’t the end of the world.

Now life…
I had given up the roommate search due to the stress it was causing, but the very last girl I showed it too decided to take it. She’s very nice, a bit too nice. I’m trying to get used to it. I like to surround myself with crass sarcastic assholes, the good kind of asshole, the sort that tells you how fucking awful you look rather than giving you a hug and saying you look fine when the world has obviously been flinging shit in your face. She’s pretty Christian, which is fine, but takes some adjusting to. I love religious diversity and have total respect for all views, it’s just difficult to have opposing views in the household when I already have trouble with new people. However, I can’t really say anything about disliking the religious items in common areas, because she could then easily request that I also move my happy Buddha, which I wouldn’t be ok with. Really I just need to be more tolerant… She’s away a lot, well not exactly a lot, but we have pretty polar schedules, which is good, I get to have a human int eh house sometimes, and lower rent, without being suffocated. A big downer though, she’s physically much healthier than me, and that gives her room to eat junk, which she does. Which means the house is full of chips, cheese, crackers, ice cream, boxed foods, sweet drinks. This makes things hard for me. oh well
I started painting… it’s been 10 years. As it turns out I have a bit of talent. Not in the sense that I’m an amazing artist, but ……………………..

Looks like I found several ways of procrastinating for the past two hours. Amazing how time flies… amid that procrastination I found this,

“If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.”
Thomas de Quincey

Am I loosing my mind, or does this suggest that procrastination is worse than murder?

Back to life, I decided to lose the pride and go to the disabilities center on campus, ADD kinda causes some problems. It was time to stop trying to pretend it wasn’t an issue for me. I actually sat with one of my teachers and talked about it, after bombing a test I was fully prepared for because I was so distracted by the people around me that I couldn’t finish it in the allotted time. My teacher surprised me and lifted so much weight off my shoulders, she’s letting me retake the test and if I do well, will accept all late homework .
To health stuff, food, weight, blah, not even a priority right now, too much going on. My therapist has come to the conclusion that I am in fact not Borderline, which is awesome. I have all the symptoms and issues, however I hold total blame. She basically said I am far too insightful, aware, and quick to place blame on myself rather than others, for me to be borderline. Even so, I started DBT today. Ugh UGh UGH, the class itself was fantastic, as were the people, except one. I can’t pretend that I did not want to yell at her the entire time. But that wouldn’t exactly be conducive to healing would it?  I watched the instructors squirm, trying to find ways to tactfully answer her questions and keep interruptions at bay, it was almost painful.  But I guess part of the class will be learning to tolerate and accept people and situations like that, without judging and without loosing my shit or having it ruin my experience. Aside from that it’s also simply difficult for me to be in a group setting like this. I’m such an introvert, talking to strangers is hard enough without needing to talk about emotions and personal mental health issues. Fingers crossed that it will all help

Mother fucking procrastination! I’ve wasted nearly 4 hours…I should get rid of the internet….